Parents Helping Parents Be Better Parents
Should you feel Guilty about being a Parent
My friend, Tamara Wilson, has just posted a lovely article on her S...
The article raises a couple of issues about Parenting that I'm sure we all struggle with. One of the issues is the fact that we may feel guilty because our children have special needs and that we feel this is, at least in part, due to what we did whilst we were pregnant with them (of course, I'm speaking about Mums here). I know that my husband, who is completely deaf in one ear (genetic) was concerned that our kids would be at least partially deaf and carried that concern with him for a long time.
The other side to the coin is the general guilt we carry as parents because we work too long or hard, we get cranky and snap at them, or we just simply can't be there all the time for them.
In the article mentioned above, Jenn Brockman succinctly explains that we shouldn't feel guilty for being us.
I like her approach because it really is just common sense.
We knew my husband had genetic deafness, that was a chance we took and we had support and other services we could use if our children were deaf. If they had other special needs and we didn't realise that they got them "through" us, then how can we feel guilty about that? We just need to deal with it, move on and give them the best care we can.
I am a working Mum, and have been since my kids were really little. I carried a lot of guilt early on that I couldn't be there for them and was so tied up at work. The sheer fact of the matter was that I had the better earning capability and it was better for the family unit as a whole that I did work.
Now days, I still work and get a bit cranky. I sometimes snap at the kids because I'm tired or just plain busy. This is not great, but I always apologise to them, explain where I was at and show them how they could approach me differently in those circumstances (of course, I take an action that I will modify my responses as well). This is a great learning experience for the children, because they learn how to handle different situations which can only help in the bigger world.
So, should you feel guilty as a Parent. I would think in general, not. Take each experience as a learning experience, learn the lesson, modify your behaviour and move on.
The article raises a couple of issues about Parenting that I'm sure we all struggle with. One of the issues is the fact that we may feel guilty because our children have special needs and that we feel this is, at least in part, due to what we did whilst we were pregnant with them (of course, I'm speaking about Mums here). I know that my husband, who is completely deaf in one ear (genetic) was concerned that our kids would be at least partially deaf and carried that concern with him for a long time.
The other side to the coin is the general guilt we carry as parents because we work too long or hard, we get cranky and snap at them, or we just simply can't be there all the time for them.
In the article mentioned above, Jenn Brockman succinctly explains that we shouldn't feel guilty for being us.
I like her approach because it really is just common sense.
We knew my husband had genetic deafness, that was a chance we took and we had support and other services we could use if our children were deaf. If they had other special needs and we didn't realise that they got them "through" us, then how can we feel guilty about that? We just need to deal with it, move on and give them the best care we can.
I am a working Mum, and have been since my kids were really little. I carried a lot of guilt early on that I couldn't be there for them and was so tied up at work. The sheer fact of the matter was that I had the better earning capability and it was better for the family unit as a whole that I did work.
Now days, I still work and get a bit cranky. I sometimes snap at the kids because I'm tired or just plain busy. This is not great, but I always apologise to them, explain where I was at and show them how they could approach me differently in those circumstances (of course, I take an action that I will modify my responses as well). This is a great learning experience for the children, because they learn how to handle different situations which can only help in the bigger world.
So, should you feel guilty as a Parent. I would think in general, not. Take each experience as a learning experience, learn the lesson, modify your behaviour and move on.
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